I think this is one of the best videos I have ever seen....

CHECK THIS S**T OUT PLEASE

The video is by an artist called Jeff Keen. Thats all i know about him. His name. I think he is also NOT young, as some of his works date back to the 60s, which was ages ago as you and I know.
If he'd sprung out of the womb and immediately started producing output he would still be in his 50s.
So let's all be reassured that he is middling to old and appreciate his work...




This short film is amazing and makes me feel sick when I watch it, which is a compliment. I don't know if you've ever been pleasantly sick. If you haven't, don't be jealous, just watch this instead.

TEMPLETON THE MAVERICK LIBRARIAN part 1

Hello and welcome to my blog! How are you? Good...
This is one of the first stories to have been written with my fair hand(s). There are four parts in total, but tragically no one has ever expressed enough interest it them for the last two segements to see the light of day. Boo hoo. Here is the first part...
(oh yeah by the way some of my spelling is horrendous sorry)

TEMPLETON THE MAVERICK LIBRARIAN part 1

Current mood: quixotic
Category: Writing and Poetry


By A.Needle

Templeton had been living in this crummy suck ass town for 3 weeks now and he hated it. 
Both his twatting parents had horrendously died in some sort of contest that went horribly
wrong and he had been forced to live with his fuckwit auntie in a shitting bollocks little town where nothing went on. Minge.
Not my words you understand. his. i would never swear so vigourously.
Templeton, a HIV- negative 25 year old person with normal sized ears
had been told he had to get a job at the library by his auntie Susan Flapjack.
templeton hated it big stylee.
You'd think a librarian would be quite a boring job wouldn't you. 
You're absolutely right. Plus this wasn't NOT no ordinary library (if you know what i mean)
a double negative. 
It wasn't a magic library. It was a normal one.
But templeton wasn't no ordinary librarian.
(which was good because otherwise this story would be shit)
He was a maverick librarian.
He didn't like rules. His mum and dad had wisely taught him rules but he had never cared for them. He thought they were rubbish and boring.
some may say he was allergic to them. others would dispute this and say you can't get alleric to rules. Whatever your viewpoint on this was templeton was actually a good lad. he just had an aversion to following orders.
this is some of the stuff wot he did
-he made no qualms about wearing shades inside the workplace even though it impeded his view and made it 80 % harder to know what book he was checking in or out. 
-There was a strict "no chewing gum" policy which was enforced with a sign.
Templeton had stuck his chewing gum on it like a dude.




-He sometimes liked to rest his feet on his desk with his arms behind his head. This was mental you understand. anyone who does this has a clear disregard for the rules and so is really cool don't you know.
-templeton often turned up to work late smoking a Marlborough Red (one of the strongest cigarettes you can buy) and sporting stubble. 
He looked like a baddie in NEIGHBOURS basically.
-Once an old lady asked him if he could stamp her book. guess what he did?
He blew smoke in her face and told her to stick her stamp up her arse while she was coughing away.
tight.
The guy was one crazy cookie. A mad biscuit if you will. 
Like a wagon wheel; Was it a biscuit? Was it more a marshmallow covered in chocolate? 
What was this inside? jam? barmy.



The manager, Mr Ted Crisps, was beginning to lose his patience with this rebel without good cause.
Templeton had been working at the library for three weeks.
One day he took it too far.
He put up a poster of Bob Marley on the north wall of the library.
(the best wall in my opinion).
It was quite high up and Ted Crisps couldn't reach it only being 5 foot 7 and 3/4ths.
He would have got a ladder but there was a ladder shortage at that time in the village as the villagers hadn't sacrificed enough hamsters that year before due to a shortage of hamsters the year before that. This was because the chief sacrificer was stuck in traffic at the time of that particular years sacrifice and so he missed the whole thing.its all rather long and complicated. just take it from me there aren't any ladders. forget about the details. 
or rather don't actually as i've just realised those details are sort of important in the story.
Anyway, yes a poster of Bob Marley.
whats wrong with bob marley you may say?
whats wrong with bob marley? are you mad?
think about what you're saying! 
the man has dangerously unkempt hair. no one can be efficient with a mad do like that.
plus he's always smiling. bit sinister isn't it, that?
what was he so happy about? think about it.
all i can think of is sick, terrible things so thats must be what HE was thinking, the weird bastard.
This is all bad enough. "send him down" you may shout or "lets not waste time with a trial, lock him up and destroy the key somehow" you may chant 
(although i can't imagine this being all that catchy as a chant. in song form it may work) 
but the icing on the cake is this:
in this particular photo Bob was smoking Marajuana. (dunno if thats spelt right)
THATS CORRECT!
He hadn't even bothered to hide his maniac spliff before having his photo taken.
I know everyones quite relaxed over there because they all drink LILT but this was sheer laziness on his part. I hate laziness as a rule of thumb. it annoys me.
some people say "weed's fine it comes from the ground man"* or "chill out".
firstly-
so does heroin, the opium from poppy seeds you twats 
and secondly-
no i will not chill out!
the only drugs that are good are ketamine, crystal meth and lemsip. the rest are terrible shit.
The poster caused a ruckus among the village people. They went mental. 
People took offence to the poster and no one could get it down as the tallest person there was 5 foot 9.
This particular town had no village idiots. 
They had a village maniac though and he was loving it. 
He felt like he was finally accepted and no longer felt outcast as everyone was being as crazy as him. They also had a Village Psychopath, a Village Busybody and a village slag there who they called "The Village Moped". They were that backwards that they didn't have cars and mopeds and scooters you know. There was a DVD shop in the village square and one of the villagers even had a DVD Recorder! 
He didn't know how to use it though.
Basically one night under cover of darkness and a barn they decided something must be done.
"Something must be done!" said village intellectual A. He had a name but it wasn't anything good like Kranium Smith-Mendelsson or Lovejoy.
It was something like Ian.
"Yes" everyone else said.
"We've put up with that young lad templeton's nonsense for too long" said A.
"He's been here three weeks now and I'm at my wits end" piped up Ted Crisps.
"Look at what he's reduced that old granny to" and he pointed at the old granny that Templeton had blown smoke in the face of I told you about earlier. 
"She's a mess!".
The old granny was still coughing and sputtering away. although i think she may have had a cough before. 
No one can still be coughing from a single subjection of cigarette smoke a week and a half later. 
Or can they?
No they can't is the answer to that.
"Release the hounds!" said some old boy at the back; Bob Twig, the candlestick maker.
who funnily enough wasn't an actual twig. That would be stupid. It was just his surname.
"Yay!" shouted everyone.
"No no!" said Intellectual B, Who was called Dave in real life.
"No, no, no" he was dead against this idea you see. He was also one of those idiots who liked to use the word "no" a lot.
"No, no, no no"
he was throwing it around with out a care in the world.
"We came come up with something a lot better than that!" 
He then began to laugh to himself and rub his hands together, sinisterly. Perverse even.
There was a hint of despotism, a smidge of the tyrant, a measure of the dastard, a dash of the nutter.
The village people looked round, what was he laughing about? they thought to themselves. It made them uneasy.
Some were even annoyed as you can imagine. 
If someone just stands there laughing not letting you in on the cracking joke, you've bound to be a bit furious. 
Some felt a bit self conscious.
One of the villagers was wearing a new hat he wasn't sure about and he took this the wrong way and ran home crying.
Eventually someone said "look just tell us the joke will you!". 
"Oh yeah, sorry" said intellectual B, looking embarrased as he'd just realised he'd been laughing on his own for 5 minutes.
"Everyone gather round.... I have a plan".



N.B The village folk didn't actually all look like Phil Mitchell. This is just an artists interpretation of the event.
END OF PART 1.
Part 2 is on its way.
If you can't be bothered to read it I can tell you now its basically a bit like that film The Wicker Man
*Dane Bowers actually said this.
call me a liar if im wrong. Actually don't as I'm quite sensitive.
Also I'm not having a go at Bob Marley. He's great. 
UB40 and Aswad are brilliant too.